I Spy

 I spy a white three legged plastic chair and a 55 gallon plastic barrel of blue.  I spy four cans of Miller light, three cans of Busch light, three Coke cans and a Pepsi Can, too.

I spy a whiskey bottle, a wheelbarrow, big and plastic with two wheels. I spy a bottle of Bud Light, a quart Bud Light can and a Radial, R225 75R15, with belts made of steel.

I spy a Coke can unopened and a 5 gallon bucket, made to hold drywall cement. I spy a child’s electric four wheeler, and a plastic bottle of Blue Powerade, for the optimist, full to fifty percent.    

I spy a Uniroyal Chapparal P235 70R16 and a Grand Am Super Wide GT M50 14 with raised letters, once white. I spy a 55 Gallon metal drum and a plastic tub of Canadian night crawlers that crawled away, probably during the night.

I spy a Pepsi can, broken styrofoam packing stuff, and a styrofoam food tray. I spy a whiskey bottle and a Casey’s Coffee cup, Brewed Fresh To Go (how far, well, it didn’t say).

I spy a bag of Life Saver mints and a Dr. Pepper bottle, 1 liter. I spy a quart of V Twin 20 W 50 Mobil Oil, and for water, a heater.

I spy a swing set and a molded, crusty and disgusting four legged chair, colored green. And over there, I spy a refrigerator, and over there a washing machine.  

I spy a mylar Happy Birthday balloon, another that says “Chicago Bulls” and a green gift bag from a party, some time ago. And over there I spy a bottle of Aquafina, and one of Vitamin Water, made by Glaceau.

I spy a nylon collapsible child’s toy container and a wheelbarrow tire and rim. I spy a container of Borden creamed cottage cheese and a large green plastic garbage can that someone had discarded, as if on a whim.

I spy a broken extra large plastic bin and a computer monitor that looks rather old. I spy “Ultra Sun” laundry detergent, 64 ounce size that fortunately works in water that’s hot, warm or cold. 

I spy a gas grill and a twisted and mangled baby blue baby’s playpen, buried in mud. It undoubtedly washed down here from someone’s back porch during a flood.

I spy a motorcycle and a Michelin 225 R15 65 tire, and (by the looks of it) a sunken concrete canoe. I spy a bottle of Jack Daniels and a very nice small bottle, a beautiful shade of cobalt blue.

I spy a styrofoam fishing worm container, and a small roll of black paper, made of tar. I spy a bottle of Purified Nursery Water (for Baby) and a BF Goodrich Steel Belted Radial TA for a car.

I spy a very fat, but not very long rope, and a bag of Guardian House Premium Bedding Shavings, made of Pine. I spy a plastic slide with a metal stand and a “No Trapping” sign.

I spy a Sears Guardsman Steel Belted Radial and a Uniroyal Tiger Paw, P215 70R15, Aqua Tred. I spy a roll of indoor carpeting, a little two foot long metal wagon, and a broken snow sled. 

I spy a rusted, rotted can, a broken beer bottle and a pink plastic long-handled comb. I spy a charcoal grill and yards and yards and yards of 3 inch wide blue and white foundation insulation stripping foam.

I spy a Coke can, unopened, and a bag of Rural King All Stock Sweet Feed. I spy a tuna fish can and a plastic 40 pound bag of Lasco Professional Turf Fertilizer, 24-0-11, now full of dirt and growing a weed.

I spy a bright blue plastic 40 pound bag of rock salt, and a television case, but alas, it’s only the back. I spy a bicycle, a big, rusty livestock feeding trough, and a 55 gallon metal drum, rusty and black.

I spy something over there, a treasure chest, I think. No, that’s not what it is, I spy the kitchen sink.

I can see that it could be pretty annoying, wasting a column playing “I spy.”

But I spied all these things in the Sangamon River, so the most annoying thing to me is: why?  

Appeared as Notes From the River, Mahomet Citizen, May 31, 2012, by Scott Hays

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